The Dunesteef Audio Fiction Magazine

Today, it was Uncle Alex and Aunt Michelle’s turn to babysit Devon. Their nephew had just turned three, and they’d promised him they’d take him anywhere he wanted to go eat the next time they went out together. He was an adorable boy, if a little hard to control, but they loved their nephew and the time they spent with him. He had chosen Burger King for their outing.

Swinging him between their arms, they crossed the parking lot and entered the restaurant. Devon was happy and hungry.

While Uncle Alex ordered and paid for their meal, Aunt Michelle took one of those paper crowns from the counter and placed it on Devon’s head. “I proclaim you the Burger King!” she said. “Hip hip hoorah!”

The boy laughed.

Uncle Alex stepped beside them. “Long live the king!” he called, then turned to his wife. “Right?

“I don’t know, I’m not British.”

“Nobody’s perfect,” Uncle Alex said.

“I’m the king! I’m the king!” Devon announced, waving his hands around.

“All hail the Burger King!” several voices in the back shouted.

Alex and Michelle glanced over, grinning. Maybe the employees had–

Several hamburgers, Whoppers, cheeseburgers, Buck Doubles, Buffalo Bacon & Swisses, and Whopper Juniors were bouncing toward Devon. They were alive.

“What is thy bidding, your majesty?” they asked in unison.

“I want fries!” Devon said.

The burgers bounced up onto the counter, taking fries into their . . . mouths, and brought them toward the boy, laying them at his feet.

“How . . .” Michelle stuttered, backing away.

The boy, delighted, began to scoop up french fries and stuff them in his mouth.

“No, no, Devon, don’t eat off the floor,” Uncle Alex said, pulling him away from the spilled french fries.

“What is thy bidding, majesty?” the burgers asked, trying to catch up with the boy.

“Hamburgers,” Devon commanded, “Kill Uncle Alex!”

The burger bun faces smiled, all at once.